what makes me tick

Day #15 - a song that describes you

Alright, so I put this one off for a bit. The thing is, even if nobody reads this, it is an open window to who I am and even though I'm an open book, there is some small print that I don't share with anyone. Too be concerned that strangers are going to see me for who I am shouldn't be scary, but I'm ridiculous like that. Anyways, I just wanted to post some links here that I feel could be useful.

http://www.turn2me.org/ - Suicide Hotline

www.trich.com BFRBs Support

www.eatingdisorderhope.com For ED Help

http://www.livestrong.com/ cause cancer really sucks

www.dailystrength.com Cause there are plenty of things to suffer from. Everyone needs some sort of help.

(much cooler version of this pic is now lost.. thanks internet... you're a real gem)

We are taught that to love ourselves is conceded. We are taught that there are defined qualifications for validation from peers and ourselves. In many cases, this creates an army of lost souls armed only against themselves. The pain was always self inflicted and it almost took me away. I've got scars to prove the hurt I've caused and allowed. I can't ever heal them. There are too many to cover. I can't go back and undo what I've done or failed to do. Hence, this song is a powerful mirror. It akes me see myself and my flaws, but it reminds me to differenciate between my obstacles and what is out of my control. I know I'm capable of changing my mind and learning to love. The rest is out of my hands. 

I know what makes me comfortable
I know what makes me tick
And when I need to get my way I know how to pour it on thick
Cream and sugar in my coffee
Right away when I awake
I face the day and pray to God I won't make the same mistakes
Oh the rest is out of my hands

I will learn to let go what I cannot change
I will learn to forgive what I cannot change
I will learn to love what I cannot change
But I will change, I will change
Whatever I, whenever I can

I don't know my Father
Or my Mother well enough
Seems like every time we talk we can't get past the little stuff
The pain is self inflicted
I know it's not good for my health
But it's easier to please the world than it is to please myself
Oh the rest is out of my hands

I will learn to let go what I cannot change
I will learn to forgive what I cannot change
I will learn to love what I cannot change
But I will change, I will change
Whatever I, whenever I can

Right now I can't care about how everyone else will feel
I have enough hurt of my own to heal

I will learn to let go what I cannot change
I will learn to forgive what I cannot change
I will learn to love what I cannot change
But I will change, I will change
Whatever I, whenever I can

(also, if anyone knows the song "this is me" by Faith Hill.. that is my other favorite that I feel sums me up.)

damsel in distress

I'm never going to become one of those perfect girls who sleep at the right times. Am I? Spent too many hours playing tonight... gotta stop working out til 1am.. then maybe I could sleep earlier? Doubt it. Go figure, I don't fit.

Ani, get your gun(s) and stick to them.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-XxxfRBLW0o&feature=related

DEFG

A) I've drank wayyyyy too much in the last 2 weeks. It is definitely slowing me down. This is me telling myself to knock it off!

B) I've drank too much because I've been at the bar playing lots of pool. I should keep doing that... while accepting less drinks.

C) I'm going to go get fit for new running shoes today! Yay!!! =]

I've never done this kind of thing before...

Well... only a time or two

I liked this song when I was a pre-teen but had no flippin' clue what it was about! I heard it tonight and completely fell back in love with the honest little tune! I miss Sammy Kershaw. Everyone should have an impromptu "low rent rendezvous" sort of one night stand at some point! Even if it is with somene you love and you have a perfectly good bed... it has it's own electric romance about it.

try it out

http://lifeisapieceoftry.tumblr.com/

I can finally work my tumblr... therefore, I may be keeping it and dissing this one... =[ Im sorry first blog ever, but I might have to pick the other blog over you....

until then

I know nothing about baseball...

http://mlb.mlb.com/video/play.jsp?content_id=17338681&topic_id=23279782&c_id=mlb&tcid=vpp_copy_17338681&v=3

but I love Gavin Degraw

I'm a boomerang doesn't matter how you throw me
Turn around and I'm back in the game
Even better than the old me

Do I look alright?

Day #14 - a song nobody would expect you to love

There aren't many "mainstream" love songs that I would really admit to liking. Likewise, I guess I just don't emote romatic vibes. (Even though I truly am a hopeless romantic.) Hence, I doubt anyone would really expect me to love this soft and sweet song. But, alas, I do. It was the first song I ever slow danced to with a boy. When I was in high school my boyfriend was constantly asking me to marry him and he would sing this (and other songs) to me all of the time, trying to get me to say yes. I'm just a tiny bit older now. ;) Looking ack, it seems even more like a sweet gesture. Oh to be young again! =]

Baby, by now you should know

Day #13 - a song that is your guilty pleasure

My guilty pleasure singer went from Kelly Clarkson to Miley Cyrus... but only certain songs. This song, is definitely my #2 go to song for working out. Eminem is still #1... but the month is young ;) There you have it, I'm a lame.

Too Hot Ta Trot

I love that they're all the same general size whether it is 1st or 6th place! hehe

I <3 Figure 8 Racing!!!

I'm welcoming a new trophy to what I have left of the old ones! (3 are missing in action... one for each time I moved last year, I guess!) The red one is my new one =] It is a shameful 5th place, but I'll take it! I had to save the car for my pops, since they made my heat the first of the night... so I drove like a complete grandma!! I was well aware of the fact that we only brought one radiator. Hence, I broke for EVERY car I met in the middle! I traded less paint on the derby track than I do in my daily driver. I'm friends with the flagmen and I learned after the race that they were making jokes over the radios. One fessed up to saying, "I don't know who that girl is! I've never seen her drive soft in her life!" lol Needless to say, I definitely prefer to have the car when I can do a little bumping, grinding, and paint swapping!

Despite my gentle ways, I caused a caution! I blew a radiator hose and scaled my right leg from knee to ankle. If you've ever had a pot of boiling water launched at your shin with the force of one of those mechanical-ball-throwing-majigawhats, then you might understand what I mean. It hurt like sin! I didn't even know what had happened, I just knew I was in some serious pain. I asked the flagman if it would ruin the car, but he said it might just keep spitting at me and hurt... so I finished. =] Unfortunately, I'd have had 3rd place if that stupid caution hadn't happened... so I got 5th. It was muy fun though, so no complaints here! Oh, and the pops took home 2nd! I was pretty darn happy I didn't ruin that car in the first heat!

On a completely different note, today was a looooong day! 12 hour day at work and we spent the afternoon at the lake at a civil war rendezvous... which means I was hot and sweaty and my jeans where rubbing my burn. Top that off with one of my favorite residents passing away and another cussing me out over potatoes, and it is a pretty clear illustration of my emotional wreck of a day. I love my residents, even if I am moving on to a new job. So it was very hard to lose one of them unexpectedly. The general public may not understand individuals with special needs. Honestly, they're really very normal. Even though they may function differently, they are so much like the mainstream population, people would be amazed. Almost all of them are kind, smart, and astoundingly smart in their own special way. (That is cliche but 100% true) One thing is for sure, they truly tend to have the purest of hearts. To see someone so sweet go, broke my heart. 

Okay, I'll stop droning on and on now... Gotta get up and do it all over again tomorrow. Work. Demo derby. Gym. Sleep. (Unless there is an after-derby party) And now, the best ringer that I no longer own =[ I can't find the ringtone for my new phone! So sad.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YJ8A1QOAQ68

 

47

Win at pool (against someone who is actually good) without slop?! Okay! I did it twice! I kicked some serious butt last night. That included banking some shots and cutting in more than once! Woot woot! I probably could have won a third, had I kept my focus on our table rather than the guy at the bar. It's okay though, cause I still finally won on my own! =] Good times.

I alone love you

Great sex < making love. Making love < making a connection. Making a connection < connecting. Connecting < falling in love. Falling in love < fighting for love. Fighting for love > great sex. And so the atory goes.... But is great sex > being alone?

Time for sleep. Xoxo

Essentially...

this could be is my favorite of all time!



http://youtu.be/l9MxKFMP_08

(although, secretely, i have been "the favorite" of many a man's mama ;) still... I love every lyric!)

You know I will.

You know, you know
I will.

If you make me feel like a woman should....

Gah!!!

I'm trying soooo hard to stay up so I can force myself into getting back into a non-nocturnal life pattern... BUT, I'm so tired. Four o'clock in the a.m. is a great bedtime, but I'm trying to leave it behind.

In other news that doesn't really matter, I joined tumblr. Which I probably shouldn't say on blogger... but it is all fine and well because tumblr is confusing as sin, if you ask me. (Which nobody did.)

Should I figure things out and keep it, I may (or may not) share the link. Eh, we shall see.

Another random fact; The Prez was at my former high school today, how random. I wish he had dropped off some more school funding on his visit, but it appears not. ;)

Less than a month til the 5k! Yay!! My fingers are killing me from practice. Boo! And... I wonder if I'll ever get this bucket list done... Nah!

What I Wanna Say

Day #12 - a song by a band you don't like

Sorry, can't stand Emerson Drive... kinda like a few of their songs, but uh!! I just can't stand them. (I used to strongly dislike Sugarland, because the girl annoyed me... now I love them! Guess that is just how things go!)

Lay Me Down in the Tall Grass

Day #11 - a song from your favorite band

Again, I refuse to claim that I have one favorite band, but... Fleetwood Mac is definitely always in the rotation! And who can argue with this song?! It has that frustrated "I'm over you and your wandering... but I wouldn't mind making out one more time" feel to it. (That is how I interpret it at least... maybe I'm projecting my current relationship drama onto it though?... hehe) I'm pretty sure I've already climbed on my soapbox and expressed that Rumours is the best album ever due to the romantic tension that went into creating it... so I won't make this sentence any longer. But I will reiterate that I love tension within romance! It makes it so much more exciting! ;) Either way, you gotta respect The Mac.

One thing I think you should know...

I ain't gonna miss you when you go.

I've been down so long.

I've been tossed around enough.

Aw, couldn't you just let me

go down and do my stuff?

Depend On Me

Day #10 - a song you fall asleep to

Usually I can't sleep while music plays. I'm a thinker as it is, add lyrics, and my mind is in overdrive... so I don't usually fall asleep with music on unless I'm pretty tired. Yet, there are a select few things I can listen to and drift. (Actually I have a "bed" playlist I like to play at night...) Gavin Degraw, Jason Mraz, Ben Lee, Gasoline Heart, Brandi Carlile, Norah Jones, and Jason Webley are some of my favorites from the list.

Gavin DeGraw is truly talented. One of my very favorite lyricists, hands down. I love the entire "Free" album, and it was so tough to pick just one song to post. I finally decided on this one because I remember vividly playing this song on loop as I traveled halfway across country on a train. It was freeeeeezing cold in the cabin and sleep was not easy to find, but I know for a fact that I caught some winks while tuning into this beautiful song. I really encourage people to buy this albumn, each song is a gem! Every line (in every song) is a sure favorite. He's amazing. For now, good night!

Drunkin Dial!

Tried another new beer.. or two! Caution: may cause excessive dancing with fans! lol At first, the Pinstripe was a little too rich for me.. but it was actually fairly yummy after the inial taste! =] I wish I knew how to keep a running list on here as a link... but I'm ilbloggerliterate =[

 As for this girl, I'm headed to bed! Didn't sleep much last night and I'm on steroids for a sinus infection.. I'm exhausted before dawn... that is some good news!

Just Thought You Should Know

OH, my goodness! I had to share this! I'm so not that good with signing but it is so neat!

mama don't dance

Day #9 - A song you can dance to

How in the world did I forget all about this song?!! This baby is going on my workout playlist. This used to be my favorite song to dance to back in my college days! I'm gonna admit, I'll dance to almost anything, I LOVE to dance! I'm not shy either. I don't have to be drunk. I just gotta be slightly comfortable... haha.



Move! if you wanna!

http://youtu.be/2hlMi6PvUDE

This is my other favorite song to dance to... okay, so I like it even better than MIMS...don't judge, this is where it is at! Life is way too short to not be who you are! And I'm a hot mess of a person who has her hand in pretty much everything...

this is my favorite blurb I've found online to date. "Wear your Passion" is probably going to be my next tattoo... when I find a good place to put it ;)

laughing with your broken eyes

Where do you go

when you're lonely?

I'll follow you

when the

stars go blue.



I must admit, though the pic of me looks so silly, I had an amazing night last night! Just seeing the picture makes me laugh because it was so in the moment! We took a blanket out to an old, abandoned building on the outskirts of town and laid and watched the meteor shower. <3 It was so peaceful and amazing! It was perfect. <3 As I climbed into bed, I realized I didn't make any wishes! So that goes on my bucket list today!

Shut Up!

and put your money where your mouth is!

I'm a big fan of going it alone. That means not whining, not complaining, blaming yourself, and not having excuses. At the same time that means pushing hard, encouraging yourself, admitting your successes, and thanking yourself daily. We are all in this (life) together... but people shouldn't wait for "help" in their struggles. Everyone needs someone, but everyone is someone, so help yourself! =]

Also, signed up for my first 5k, so I'm a little arrogant today, but I deserve to be! <3

I Could Quote You Every Line

Day #8 - a song that you know all the words to

I really could have posted pretty much any song I've ever loved, but I felt like this one fit the subject the best, because I know the words by heart! =]

P.S. I love 90's country, I think I've mentioned this...

Janis Joplin- Me and Bobby McGee

Day #7 - a song that reminds you of an event

This reminds me of graduating from college! =] Also, my worst ever attempt at Karaoke! I was so toasted... lol But it was soooo much fun singing with my friends and feeling their support as we partied it up at a local bar. My friends and family are so amazing. This was quite possibly the best day of my life to date. =]

I believe in Myself!

Day #6 - a song that reminds you of somewhere

You believe in authority.
I believe in myself.

I'm a molotov cocktail.
You're Dom Perignon.

Baby, what's that...
 confused look in your eyes?



What I'm trying to say is that...

I burn down buildings
While you sit on a shelf
inside of them.
You call the cops
On the looters and piethrowers.
They call it class war,
I call it co-conspirators!
 

Against Me! Reminds me of Florida! Anytime I hear this song I think of palm trees, navy men, sunburns, and tattoos! I was pretty sure I'd already shared "Thrash Unreal" by them.. that song always tingles my nostalgic feelings of being beautiful and independent in the sulfer er, um sunshine state! ;) But... since I missed a couple days, I figured this was a fitting song because I was busy getting into a series of blood boiling predicaments. (I'm non-violent, mind you) with people for hatin' on my family! I'm not great with confrontation... actually, I suck at it, but if you have something to say about my family or friends, then I guess I do too! And if I'm talking, good luck not hearing it ;)

No, I won't take your hand
And marry the State.

Cause baby, I'm an anarchist.
You're a spineless liberal.
We marched together

for the eight-hour day,

and held hands in the streets of Seattle.

But when it came time to throw bricks

through that Starbucks windown

you left me all alone.

Allll Allllone

Oh, and I'm in phase two of training for a couple 5k races that are coming up. I've been trying to find a new rhythm for working out. If only "rest" days weren't so darn important, I could get everything in with ease! As it is, the running is a nice workout but it isn't quite up to par with what I'm accustomed to burning. Of course, it does zap about 60% of my energy. I'm hoping to switch my ST to days when I run... and do NOTHING except those two things (I'm the worst about doing everything in one day, which I know is so not the proper approach) for 3 days of the week.  If I can manage that, I guess I could take my 4 days of cross training down to two and work in two rest days somewhere. It is a decent theory if I can get myself to refuse the elliptical on "training" days. I'm just one of those lazy people who is either all in or all out, I struggle to "pace" myself.

In other, highly exciting news... I have 4 baby watermelons growing... finally! The mid-west is just so stinkin' dry that I haven't got much out of anything! Strawberries were transplants, and were literally useless. Next year, I'm probably going to get my own and start fresh. Tomatoes did well, but I hate tomatoes and gave 'em away to my grandparents, who said they were yummy! Peppers? I used a few, but they didn't get too big. My green beans and wax beans had/are having trouble maturing past veggie adolescents. I picked a few and ate 'em on location but there really aren't even enough to make a serving. =[ And saddest of all,  my poor snap peas were resting in peace before they did much more than sprout. I was going to take some pictures and put them up... but I was worried that a small group of indie botanists from Baylor might come knocking down my door carrying "plants have rights too!" signs. (Granted, they might take mercy on me due to the fact that I've never happily harmed an inch of lettuce... and, that I kinda buy into plant perception.... and, I love "The Lorax" and "Ferngully" oodles and doodles... AND I absolutely cannot read "The Giving Tree" aloud or I cry. (I cry if I read it to myself, but, hey, I don't like to judge myself by teardrop output.) Another random tangent... this is certainly my most favorite non-RHPS performance by Tim Curry. (Alice TV series not even considered, as that would be, yet another, more drawn out, run-on sentence.) Anyways, Hexxus was the scariest villain I could imagine when I was a kid, yet, now, the song seems exceedingly erotic. Am I crazy? Probably... no matter, Anyways, plants may or may not have feelings, but I don't have any to eat anyways.

(and to  you, solidarity's a four-letter word)

Yep, I know every word to this one =]

Okay, I should have checked back in from my procrastination break an hour ago.. to the gym I go.

Scarred Heart in Hand

Day #5 - a song that reminds you of someone

After an exceedingly bad day at college, a friend of mine sent me a video to cheer me up. After watching it, he told me he could make me a "free hugs" poster if that would help... he's a smart alec, but it definitely cheered me up... as would free hugs! =] The lyrics totally remind me of our complicated relationship and the video always touches me and reminds me of him.

It's always the same.

Go ahead, say it.

You're leaving.

You'll just come back running-

holding your scarred hear in hand.

It's all the same.

I'll love you til I die

Day #4 - a song that makes you sad

(Honestly one of my very favorite songs.. I almost posted this as my favorite. Sad, song. Sad, video.)

Play Ya Like a Yo-Yo

Day #3 - a song that makes you happy


I find Jon Shain's "Song for JoJo" is just adorable. He wrote it for his daughter and it makes smile and dance around like a goofball. I totally dig Shain's style!

http://www.myspace.com/jonshain/music/songs/song-for-jojo-25282613

(see.. I love corny little ditties that rhyme words with yo-yo... so long as wham! isn't involved!)

The One to Hurt Me the Most

Annually

My heart's dictionary defines you, it's love and...

This goes to the recycling bin as well... but not before I passed on the goodness.

Jungle Love!

I've got to stop being a night owl! But, until then...

Please tell me they named them Baloo and Shere Khan!!